Everything started there when the giant brown-coloured gate opened and gave space for the lavish car, in which I was sitting with a stranger. The man held me affectionately and said “Welcome Home”. It was huge, people were standing in those widespread greenish lawns and doing some sort of work. The car entered slowly and moved on the pathway between the lawns. It stopped and before opening the car door he said something like “Everything will be okay, all is fine.” I didn’t understand, the child version of me, was exploring every new thing around me through my eyes. That day is still fresh. He was anxious, he repeated some words to himself wiping the sweat with his pure white handkerchief. I remember he took the time to open the car door. The gate was closed, and a man in black was readily standing out to open the car door. When the man said “OK”, as he took me into his arms the driver signalled, to the men in black and the door opened.

The pillars were huge, and until a certain age, I believed somebody was residing inside them. The whole yard was greenish, with so many plants, trees, and creepers around them neatly arranged in a certain pattern. He ascended towards the home holding me in his hands. The open wooden doors with adjoining decorative wooden carvings welcomed us. He entered and made me sit on a cushion. Several hands pointed at me; it was an unwelcoming sign. A woman flounced toward him and yelled holding his shirt. He released himself from the grip and took me in his arms. He held me tightly and buried my face into his shoulders, holding my head with one arm, he mounted on stairs and reached into a room. He made me sit on a bed, I was about to cry, but he comforted me and said “Am there for you, Dad will be always with you. He promised me”. The promise that I didn’t ask for at all.

The woman followed us, she stood near the door shockingly, with tears flowing down her cheek. She looked at me from top to bottom and she stared at the man, who was kneeling in front of me. He didn’t leave the hold around me; He kneeled there and shook his head conveying something to the woman.

He hesitantly said “Mom”. He pointed to the woman who was staring at him without a blink and said again to me “It’s your mom”. She tried controlling her tears but she burst out sliding down by leaning on the door.

He struggled to take a decision, he looked at me and then at his wife, after a few turns he slid by kneeling from me to the love of his life. He held her foot and was comforting her. I was sitting in bed where he made me sit. I didn’t move an inch aside but my eyes traveled all around the room. The room, too was huge, the bed I was sitting in occupied one-fourth of the room. The man-sized teddy that was placed on the swing in one corner of the room attracted me the most. That was the first moment in my life that I wished for something. Yeah, a teddy in a bumblebee shade with dark black eyes and a wide mouth in black. It fascinated me more than the drama that was happening between them. I wanted it but I didn’t move. Their arguments made me more anxious. I was rolled up with fear in a cushion bed.

“How could you do this to me? That too on our wedding anniversary” was her only question. She slapped him twice out of anger, he tried hugging her. He pleaded mercy, by burying his face in her lap, she wasn’t ready. She was a beautiful woman, with a shiny dark skin tone, and a plump face. The cerulean-colored silk saree complimented her. She was beautiful even when she was crying. The second thing I wished for was her. I wished to have that teddy and the woman.

She wiped her tears, as soon as she saw me staring at her. She lifted his head from her lap by pulling his hair. He looked at her and then turned towards me sitting on the floor. By then she got up from the floor and reached me. She sat next to me and looked.

“What is your name?” She asked holding back her tears.

I looked her and looked her and looked her.

She smiled and asked “What?” by shaking her head.

I looked at him. He slid towards us.

“Sweety,” he said.

“Saanvika,” the woman said as she blubbed.

I looked at her, I couldn’t understand her tears then. It was pain, but I smiled looking at her, probably to comfort her. It was my first smile after entering that house. But it didn’t last long. I wished to be in her arms, but it didn’t last long. Why was she given to me and then taken away from me?

Original Copyright © Sukanya Pon